Beyond: Our Lives (Beyond: Two Souls Ryan Path)
by emilymumbles
Summary: Set after Jodie has shut down the final condenser and has been made to choose between life or beyond. Jodie has made her decision, to follow her heart and be with the one she had always wanted. Ryan. But with her memories jumbling and things beginning to fade, can Jodie's love remain for Ryan? Is it strong enough to really stay alive with her?
1. Prologue

**Prologue  
**

Empty. I felt, empty. Like my life had been taken away from me, wandering alone without that one dominant presence to keep me from going insane. I missed him, I missed his dark noises, I missed his games and I even missed his irritating traits. I missed it when he used to throw pillows around when he didn't want me to do something, but now even his single presence was gone.

Aiden.

But my thoughts stayed jumbled, the less time he spent in my life, the more I forgot. I couldn't remember a lot, where things went on the timeline or whether I remembered things right. It was like somebody had taken away pieces and placed them in the wrong order. Sometimes I swore that the memories still floating around in my mind, were just a figment of my own imagination. I was losing emotional connection to my life, the life before he left.

I remain alone for now. Trying to make sure of things, writing down memories when I remembered them so later on I could play catch-up by trying to put them in the right order. All I wanted was to pick up the pieces and remember where they went.

I thought I would be happy without him. For years of my life I could have never imagined him leaving me, and sometimes I would wish him away, I wanted to be normal. I wanted to have a life, to fall in love and grow old. But now I've got what I wanted, and I had never been so unhappy. This was my choice. I had chosen to spend every day of my life crying, wishing Aiden would return to me. But he wasn't coming back, I knew that, but I would still cling onto the hope that he would come back. That he was still in the air above me, watching down on me and making sure I stayed safe.

For a long time I would sit wondering where to go. Should I stay alone? Should I go with my gut instinct and stay away? But it was so obvious. I had needed the silence to feel my thoughts, to actually hear them for the first time without something being there to sway me. And so, through living by a river for several months, I had decided where I wanted to finally take my life.

I wanted the life I had always dreamed of, and now nothing could stop me from taking it.


	2. A New Beginning

**Chapter 1**

My heart was beating so fast in my chest. It felt strange, feeling nervous or scared with Aiden guiding me, without his presence to comfort me. The wooden step I had sat down on felt cold, but only because it was nearing winter. The quicker he arrived, the better. I needed him to be here already, I needed to get the first step over and done with. Within seconds of that thought floating across my mind, the sound of a car engine rumbling got closer. My eyes shot up to the soft silver car pulling up in front of me, the driver inside being very familiar. He was here. My back straightened up and I brushed my long dark hair away from my face, so he could see it was me. The engine stopped and he climbed from the car, a paper bag in his hands as he closed the door behind him. Only then did he see me, did his eye stop on me and his mouth slowly parted.

"Jodie" I heard him whisper from down the path. Without any reluctance I pushed myself to my feet and ran to him, his paper bag dropping to the floor in favour of me as he did the same. In seconds, our hands had touched and we were reunited. It almost seemed too good to be true, to be finally with him and not feel guilt or any horrid feeling for that matter. "Jodie you're here" His hand slowly reached up to the side of my face, his single finger brushing the last strand of hair that I had missed from my face.

"Of course I'm here Ryan" I chuckled quietly. I felt his face leaning down to me, his other spare hand cupping the other cheek, and finally our lips collided. I finally felt at home. We stayed like this, kissing and embracing until we realised we were still standing outside in the middle of the neighbourhood for everybody to see.

"Come inside" He said, going towards his door but there was one thing he had forgotten.

"I think you may have forgotten your shopping" I pointed towards his paper bag with the hand he hadn't clasped inside his, giggling as he turned over his shoulder to see he had indeed left his bag on the ground. I watched him go after it, happy to finally see him. He may still have an eyepatch, and he may be wounded but he was my wounded soldier and always would be. Returning to me, our hands met once again and he lead me inside to his home.

"I didn't think you'd come, ever." Ryan said, looking at me simply when the door was closed and we were finally alone. Properly alone too, for the first time. "I've been waiting" He put his bag down by the door and took my shoulders in his arms.

"I knew you would." I said, feeling the shape of his elbows with my thumb. I hadn't been around anyone for what felt like years, and considering the first person I had come into contact with was Ryan, it felt incredible. "How have you been? How is your eye?" Curiously I reached towards the eyepatch, which brought one memory back. I couldn't remember how long ago it had been that it happened, whether it was years or months ago but I remembered how it happened. The first feeling of guilt overwhelmed me since leaving solitude.

"I've been...lonely. It's not so easy with one eye, I miss things that I wouldn't have if I had both eyes." He said, smiling weakly at me. It was my fault he only had one eye, if I just told everything before they had taken it too far.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, I thought I had already told you that I would have done the same if I were in your position. You did nothing wrong" He had reassured me before, and the second time hadn't done much good alike the first. "Come on, I'll show you around my new humble abode!" He cheered himself up in a split second and began leading me around his suburban home. It wasn't anything like my old apartment, it was more...like a home. I hadn't ever felt like I was home, not in a long while. It was beautiful however, nothing fancy or expensive like I had expected.

"It's wonderful Ryan" I said, brushing his arm with my hand when he had taken me back into the living room.

"It's nothing special... When I thought you had left for good, I decided to go for a more...downstated home." He chuckled, taking my hand in his and squeezing. He still stood taller than me, it was like I would never grow.

"I like it." I said, moving away from him and finding a place on the couch. I looked at Ryan, waiting for him to join me but he just stood there, staring. His hazel brown eye watching me, waiting for something.

"Is this it?" He finally asked.

"Is this what?" Confusion read through me, my eyebrows furrowing into the centre of my forehead while Ryan watched me carefully. Had I done or said something wrong? He didn't want me to stay at all did he?

"Does this mean you're staying? You're staying with me?" He came forwards, finding a space between my legs and the coffee table to kneel down in front of me and carefully taking my hands in his. I understood his confusion finally, my barging in wasn't exactly letting him know that I wanted to stay with him.

"Yes. Yes it does." My voice came through as a whisper, barely able to make a full voice from it but loud enough for him to have understood what I had said. His face lightened and the gorgeous smile that had graced me when he first noticed me on his doorstep stretched across his face. Before I knew, Ryan surrounded me in an embrace and squeezed. His scent rose up to my nostrils and I smiled, my eyes drooping closed in his embrace. I felt relaxed, I knew we weren't being watched and so did Ryan. We were free to do whatever we wanted.

And for the first time since Aiden disappeared, I didn't mind him being gone.


	3. Changes

Ryan and I agreed to order pizza, so while he ordered I remained on the couch to watch TV. There was a strange stench, and I was pretty sure it was coming from me. Once Ryan was off of the phone, he came back to sit down beside me, naturally slipping his hand into mine.

"Ryan, do you mind if I take a bath? I'm pretty stinky." I said in a soft whisper. Ryan abruptly looked up to me, a small smile appearing on his lips and he nodded.

"This is your home now, you don't have to ask my permission to do anything. Go ahead." He patted my thigh and let me get up. I had to wrack my brains to remember where exactly the bathroom was but I got there eventually, turning the taps of the bath on and putting in the plug. Retrieving my bag from the front of the house, I didn't forget to flash a nice smile to Ryan who had now lounged his rather long body along a rather small couch. He looked cramped but comfortable. Once in the bathroom again, I closed the door behind me and locked the door. I liked privacy. I placed my bag on the toilet seat and began getting undressed, feeling the warmth of Ryan's home and the steam from the bathtub cuddling my body. Without any delay - despite the tub not being full at all - I climbed into the bath and felt the water slither over my feet, the souls of my feet tingling from the sensation. I let out a small gasp and lowered myself into the water, the tap running hot water into the tub fast and strong.

"Just calm Jodie." I told myself, as there was nobody else around to tell me to stay calm anyway. Soon enough the bathtub was full, and with the skillful maneuvers of my toes I managed to turn each tap off. The water was hot, but due to my premature entrance into the bath it didn't scold my body. It was comforting and calming, and soon enough my heart slowed down it's rapid beating. It had been hammering since I arrived at Ryan's now, and I just wanted to feel at home for once. Like Ryan had said, this was my home now. When I went to find some shampoo, I noticed there were no bottles whatsoever in sight. Curiously I yelled, "Ryan!" from the bath to try and get his attention. Footsteps notified me he was coming towards the bathroom.

"Yeah?" His voice was clear just outside the door.

"Where's your wash stuff?" I queried.

"Crap... Their upstairs in the shower, let me just go and get them." I waited patiently for him to return from upstairs and when he did, he tapped on the wood of the door. "I'll leave them on the ground outside" He said. That meant I would have to get out of the warmth of the water, open the door to the blizzard outside and get back into the tub before I froze. As quickly as possible, I jumped out of the bath and raced to the door, using the techniques I had learned from training in the CIA to collect the bottles and get in without being traced. Before I knew it I was back into the bath, squeezing the herbal shampoo onto my hands and running it through my hair. I let it rest for a few minutes and then sunk into the water, washing it out with my hands. For a second I stopped to listen to the water, which only reminded me of the noises Aiden used to make. It reminded me he was no longer with me. My heart fell in my chest and I felt sick, so before anything else happened I clambered out of the bath and grabbed a towel.

"I thought I was through this." Instead of wrapping the towel around my body, I held it to my face. Knocking my bag from the toilet seat I sat down and sobbed into the towel. The least of my worries was Ryan hearing me cry, what I wanted was for him to hear, for somebody to hear and make sure I was alright. When there was a light tap on the door, I brought my face away from the towel and finally wrapped it around my body. I wiped my nose and eyes, preparing to speak. "Ryan?" I called.

"Are you alright in there Jodie?" He asked me. I was conflicted about whether to open the door and let him see me like this or not. If he loved me, I shouldn't worry. So I stood up on my feet and approached the door, feeling weak and sad as I did. The door knob in my fingers was cold, compared the the heat from the bath water and I unlocked the door. Reluctantly I opened the door and saw Ryan leaning against the door frame, looking concerned but sympathetic. "You okay?" He asked.

I contemplated lying, but I knew there was reason to lie with him so I shook my head. The tears came rushing out of my eyes again and I fell into Ryan, not caring whether I got his shirt wet or anything else on his body.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. Shh now." Ryan brushed his hand over my wet hair, having to fiddle with it when he wanted to threat his fingers through again because my hair had stuck to him. I made sure my towel was still firmly wrapped around me as I sobbed into his shirt. "Is this about Aiden?" He asked softly. Nodding, I felt him sigh beneath me. He managed to lead me from the bathroom, grab my bag and take me up to the bedroom. He placed me softly on the bed and knelt down in front of me again, resting his hands on my lap and playing with my fingers.

"I thought I was over it, I thought I could go on living without him again. That's why I spent so long alone, planning how I was going to return to normal life. I didn't expect it to be this hard..." I tried explaining but I fell into uncontrollable sobs again, so Ryan wrapped his arms around me and let me bend over his shoulder to cry.

"It's still so new to you, living amongst other people. You haven't done that without Aiden yet." Ryan assured me, rubbing my back soothingly. As we stayed silent, only the sounds of my sob filling the air, the doorbell downstairs rang. "That's the pizza. You get ready and I'll go get it, okay? We can stay up here if you want." I didn't want Ryan to change his plans because of me so I shook my head.

"No it's okay. I'll be down in a second." I knew by the look in his eyes that he was worried about leaving me alone, but I assured him "I'll be fine" so finally he left me to get ready. I found a pair of soft shorts in my bag and a white tee-shirt, so quickly threw them on before I left Ryan waiting too long. I went tumbling down the stairs to meet with him and when I saw him in the kitchen I felt a lot more at ease. I needed to get used to not having Aiden with me. Besides, I would have bet money on Aiden being uncomfortable living with Ryan. They had never particularly got along.

"You okay now?" He asked. "Actually, that's a dumb question, don't answer that." He snorted. The hairbrush I had remembered to bring down with me began to cause an ache in my palm, so I brushed my hair thoroughly and then washed my hands before grabbing a place and helping myself to pizza. Instead of sitting up at the table, Ryan sat down on the couch and we watched a soccer game together. My eyes glazed over now and then, not because I wasn't interested on what was happening on the screen but because I was preoccupied. For a while I didn't realise that Ryan was trying to catch my attention, his hand waving in front of my face and his constantly call of my name snapped me out of my trance. "I lost you for a second then" He said.

"Yeah...sorry. What did you want to say?" I didn't look at him, my emotions since the bath had been increased by ten and seeing his eyepatch would only make me feel worse.

"I just... I wanted to tell you how glad I am that you're here." He mentioned.

"E-even when I feel s-so alone?"

"I know it's going to take a while until you're... okay again but, I'm willing to be with you until then. I want to be with you. I love you Jodie." His hand reached for mine and I was in two minds about pulling away but I let his large hand wrap itself around mine. Finally I plucked up the courage to peer up at him, seeing his single hazel eye welled up with tears only made my stomach flutter.

"I love you too Ryan."


	4. Memories

The night had been quiet. Ryan and I stayed watching TV but my mind was still preoccupied. Aiden wasn't with me, he never would be and I didn't know what to do about it. I thought the months spent away were going to help me get over things but I felt like it wasn't over. It would never be over. When it came to bed time I followed Ryan but part of me was scared, the first night I would be spending with somebody since before Aiden was around. I found my bed clothes and got changed, finding myself shaking as I pulled a sweatshirt over my head and turned over my shoulder to see Ryan climbing into bed in nothing but his boxers. It had been a long time since I had seen him like that, but nothing yelled to tell me that I had missed it. I missed Ryan as a whole, I always would. But I missed Aiden more than anybody, more than anybody could imagine.

"Jodie? You getting into bed?" He asked, seeing me staring as he climbed under the sheets. I hesitated, not sure whether to follow but eventually sliding under beside him. We were close, so when the lights turned off I didn't feel unsafe. I felt weird, because I had been sleeping with the light on while I was alone and now I would have to get used to a whole new style of living. "Love you Jode" I felt his hand in mine and I didn't surprisingly jump.

"Goodnight" Was all I could manage to say, and I pressed my back into Ryan's body for reassurance that he wouldn't be going anywhere. He couldn't go anywhere. I tried closing my eyes but all I could see was black, I didn't like seeing black. It was like I had been circled by nightmares, and that's what I was heading into but I just wanted to stay in the light. When I closed my eyes again, I realised that I wasn't ready to sleep quite yet but I was unable to escape the bedroom without Ryan questioning me. Waiting for Ryan to finally fall to sleep was like waiting a whole century just to die, and when I finally heard him begin to snore I managed to slip out from his grasp and go downstairs. I found the notebook in my bag and began to write again; things still weren't adding up when I put the stories together, and there was another memory floating around in my head that desperately needed writing down.

* * *

_"Jody, we told you to stay inside!" Paul had told me that second night of staying with his family. Cory and Jay ran out after him, my eyes following Jay's tanned and toned body in the dark sand storm. Paul knelt down on his knees at my side and took my hand, checking me over to see if I had been harmed. I shook my head, looking to each family member that had followed me out._

_"You have to tell me what's going on here Paul, you have to tell me now!" I exclaimed, pushing myself to my feet as Paul, looking exasperated, turned away. Jay looked down at the ground, quickly glancing to each of us and then back down at the ground. It seemed everybody was having their own little secrets._

_"It's Ye'Itsoh" Paul said, back turned to all of us. Jay seemed sad, like he didn't want his father to cave in and tell me but it was already too late. Cory seemed more surprised than his brother. "He was brought here a long time ago, a punishment for our tribe living on these lands and he has wanted blood ever since." Paul didn't look at any of us, just turned on his heel and headed back to the house. I wanted more answers, he wouldn't be here for no reason. Jay just glanced at me and then walked away, his brother following his lead. I needed to ask more questions, about the spirit, about the ghostly warriors outside of their houses. So I stumbled in after the family, desperate to lay my head down on any pillow to have some sleep. But even after the tiring events of the day, my mind wouldn't be put at ease. As we entered the hall towards the bedrooms I grabbed Jay's bare arm, thoroughly surprised by the heat radiating through his skin._

_"What now Jodie?" He seemed tired, not physically, but genuiney tired of me asking so many questions. He didn't even look at me; that let me know everything I needed to. I knew where I stood. I thought me and Jay were beginning to make a turn for the better, maybe even becoming friends._

_"I just...wanted to say goodnight." I said. His eyes flickered in my direction, causing my heart to jump but fall at the same time when I realised he hadn't actually looked at me._

_"You said goodnight earlier." He drawled._

_"I know. I wanted to say it again." It was a stupid excuse, I knew he didn't believe me. He seemed so tired of me butting my nose in to his business that I could tell from his face that he was uncomfortable with so many questions. I would stop, for our friendship._

_"Okay, well goodnight Jodie. Go to bed." He ordered, pointing in the direction of my bedroom. So I let go of the warm arm and let him go to bed, trudging down the hall to my own bedroom._

* * *

Sitting at Ryan's table, writing this memory down seemed in a way like I was betraying Ryan. Jay and I had a...thing together and now I was sitting at Ryan's table, writing down something about him with Ryan asleep upstairs believing me to be in bed beside him. Part of me missed the serenity of the desert, where mostly the only sound you could hear were the horses or churros and the occasional sound of a truck engine passing by. The place would help me think when I wanted, here I knew Ryan would try his best to make sure my mind was never left in silence.

I heard a thump from upstairs and expecting to be able to look up through the ceiling, I glanced up. Again I had forgotten that I didn't have Aiden to do these things for me. I just got up from the table and replaced my notebook to where it originally was and then returned to the bedroom, where the only thing that had happened was the lamp had fallen off the side. I was surprised Ryan hadn't been awoken by it, he normally woke up to the quiestest of noises. I climbed into bed again and closed my eyes, this time not being bothered by the dark. My memory may have been disintergrating, slowly jumbling itself up, but with Ryan it all seemed okay. My memory didn't seem like a problem when I was with him, because he knew what was happening to me. If I had gone back to the desert, it would have been hard to go through this time when none of the people I was with knew what was happening. I could explain, but sometimes talking about it makes it feel no better for me.

Writing was theropeutic and it eased my mind. It made me think that my life was like a story, to be retold over and over through generations and would one day be called a legend. Already it seemed like a legend to me. My memories were so vague and misplaced that it may as well have been just a story, a myth in my head.

I would constantly think that maybe my life should have ended before it could be written down, so it could be forgotten before things got too complicated. But I knew that if I had died Ryan would have been alive to tell people about it, and so would Cole, and Jay and Stan and everybody that had ever made an impact on my life like I had on theirs. My story would never stop no matter where I was, except because I was alive, my story would have no order. What I wanted was to be far away from the place that brought back memories, maybe a new place would help revoke my thoughts. However I sometimes would think that the places I had visited once in my past might help place where on the timeline it went. Going to see Jay and Cory and Paul might have allowed me to pinpoint it in my life, tell exactly what happened before and after.

I just wanted to be normal, and even without Aiden I was having trouble.


	5. Princess

A while later, Ryan and I had fallen into a pattern. He had a small job in the town centre as a patrol officer, making sure the town youth weren't misbehaving all too much. He told me it didn't involve as much action as being in the CIA did, but he also didn't miss it. I stayed at home. I wasn't quite ready for work, I hadn't worked a normal job in my life. Before I was even old enough to leave Nathan and Cole, I was planted in the CIA training to become an agent. Part of me wasn't prepared for normal life yet, to work nine to five like everybody else. I had grown up being told I would never be like everybody else, but I was. It was when Ryan was out at work, doing overtime for extra money because for some reason he was intent on earning more money, I decided to go and see Cole. I knew he only lived around the corner from Ryan, and I hadn't seen him since arriving back at Ryan's. I didn't bother making myself look better than I did. I just wore jeans, a tee shirt with my coat and tied my hair back into a ponytail. Walking was my only way of transport, as I had never been given the time to learn how to drive when I was with Cole and Nathan and Ryan had his car anyway.

The walk was peaceful however. The leaves were slowly falling from the trees, melting into the ground as I passed. A cold breeze was hugging to me, so when I breathed out a cloud of my breath formed in front of my face. Finally arriving at Cole's surburban house, I watched it as though I was trying to register where the house placed itself in my memory. I realised then I had never seen it. I had known Cole for years and yet I had never learnt he had a home or family outside of the unit. Nervously, I approached the door and knocked my fist on the wood three times to be sure. I hadn't taken into thought that Cole may have been at work, so I waited for at least a few more minutes in case he was in, and then turned to walk away. Halfway down his porch, the door opened and inside I saw Cole peeking through the gap.

"Jodie?!" He whispered in a state of shock. "Little princess?" The nickname brought back several memories, making my shut my eyes in panic at them all flooding back so quickly. Before I had time to reopen my eyes, it seemed Cole had rushed out to check if I was alright. "Come inside" He said when I had finally opened my eyes to see him standing in front of me. In seconds I was in the warmth of his home.

"I didn't think you would be in, I thought you would be at work." I said quietly.

"You silly, I don't have that job anymore. When we lost connection with the Infraworld, I thought it was final and quit. I don't know whether they're making a new condenser or not but I sure hope not-" Funnily enough, I didn't expect to have such a conversation so soon from returning. I gave Cole a look that alerted him to understand this was not the reason I had come to see him. "Take your coat off, I'll make us some coffee." He beckoned me through the kitchen whilst I stripped off my jacket and placed it on the bannister of the stairs. Following him through, I realised how normal Cole lived. I didn't know how long he had this home, maybe since I had left the unit and gone to the CIA, but it made me think long and hard about how Cole had lived without me for a while.

"I felt like coming to see you." I said quietly, my voice mouse-like and quiet. I had never been so nervous or timid around Cole, possibly the fact that I didn't have Aiden with me made me feel a bit on edge.

"I heard you're living with Ryan at the moment." He said while pouring the hot water from the kettle into two mugs. I nodded despite him not actually being turned towards me. "How is that?" I knew for a fact that he and Ryan had spoken since I had arrived, because Cole was giving it away in his voice.

"Good. I... I didn't expect things to settle in as normal quite so quickly. I'm not used to it. Being 'normal'" By the time I had gotten round to explaining Cole had passed me a coffee, a smile on his face as he happily listened to how I felt about this new situation. "I've had to settle with a lot of things though, and this might take the longest, but I'll get used to it eventually. You and Ryan are here to help anyway." I said.

"I am always here for you princess, whenever you want to talk I am a walk around the block or even a phonecall away." He reminded me, patting my hand and leaning against the kitchen counter.

"I know." I simply said.

"So... I don't know if this is still a sensitive topic but, how has life been...without Aiden?" The elephant in the room had been confronted. It was mainly the reason I had come to see Cole, out of everybody, he was the only person completely used to having Aiden around apart from me. He had studied entities as a career, he knew probably a little more than I did.

"It's strange." I said first. I gave it some thought before continuing, "Sometimes I have feelings that he's still here, but I have to remind myself that when I shut that condenser down he went with all the other entities. He's gone." I stated. Cole nodded, his lips slowly pressing into a straight line across his face. Things were beginning to become very real. However, I decided to tell Cole something that I hadn't told a soul. "Did you know he was my twin?"

"What?"

"He was my twin. He was stillborn but we were in the womb together." I said it so matter-of-factly that Cole was surprised at how straight I was being with it. Even in my own head I was wondering when I had been so straight to the point about Aiden. For my whole life Aiden had been that one thing I couldn't explain. "When he died he became bound to me, because he was meant to be at my side in human form." I looked down at the marble counter and thought about that day I shut down the condenser, about how I had been confronted by Aiden in his human form. His eyes, his face, his body. He was a real person, for once. I had been so used to that black cloud of mist, him not being human, and that day just made my bond with Aiden stronger. I knew why he had been a part of my life.

"Hasn't that made it harder for you? Knowing that he's family?" Cole wasn't prying, he was curious. He had lived studying my reaction and control to Aiden, and now he was gone, he was even more curious about our bond.

"A lot harder." I said softly. "I keep thinking maybe if I had died that day, I could be with him right now." I finally admitted. I faced a tough decision that day and it had taken a lot for me to choose to live. It sounded strange, that I had chosen to live. Normally life and death wasn't a choice, but I had it.

"Don't think that way." Cole warned me. I hadn't realised my eyes were welling up until Cole squeezed my hand. "You're alive, and you have me and Ryan. You have the whole world at your feet, a life ahead of you." Cole told me, shaking my hand vigorously so what he was saying could go into my head.

"I know but I have to get used to a life without Aiden, I'm not used to that." I replied.

"You've been through a lot honey, it's time for you to learn how to stand on your own two feet. And you always have me and Ryan, like I said." He repeated. My head began rushing through several memories, memories that I hadn't confronted or remembered yet. Different faces flickered through my head, and I couldn't comprehend what came from where. Ryan's face, Cole's face, even Tuesday's face. "Jodie?" Cole asked.

"Yeah sorry, just some...flashbacks. I should get back, Ryan might be waiting." I said, trying to make a quick escape. Cole offered to give me a ride so I could avoid the cold, and I accepted. It was better than walking in the cold. The faces and memories were still running through my head and I tried to focus on a specific one, to try and make sense of what had happened. It wasn't until we got back to Ryan's that I managed to get them to stop. "Do you want to come in?" I tried making myself sound natural, because it didn't happen often that I was inviting somebody into my 'home'.

"Nah, you go ahead princess. Have a peaceful night in with Ryan, I'll pop in over the weekend for a coffee." He gave me a peck on the cheek and an awkward side hug, and then I hopped out of the car to run up to the door. I knew Ryan was in because of the car on the driveway, and I had a funny feeling that me going to see Cole without telling Ryan would raise some problems. I unlocked the door and gave one last look to Cole on the road and then closed the door behind me.

"Jodie? Is that you?" Ryan called out frantically.

"Yes, who else would have a key to your house?" By the time I had finished my question, Ryan had hopped out into the hallway with a look of pure worry crossed his face.

"I was so worried when I got home and you weren't here." He choked out. He was overwhelmed by the worry, and I couldn't help but stumble into him and wrap my arms around his waist.

"I'm sorry, I went to see Cole" I said into his shirt. Slowly he wrapped his arms around me, pressing his lips on top of my head and breathing out steadily to calm his nerves. The last time he had been worried about me was before the mission, and that was bringing back painful memories.

_I wouldn't want anything to happen to you._

_You'll have no backup._

_You're on your own._

All I could see was Ryan, pressing his palms against the table and staring me right in the eye. I tried blocking it out, I didn't want to remember the bad times with Ryan. I wanted to be with him and forget everything before the condenser. I wanted to forget everything, even Aiden so maybe the pain would go away.

I still had a hole inside of me, it felt like it was never going to go away.

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry it has taken me a while to update this story! I've had a lotta' other business to take care of but this idea has been swirling around in my head. Jodie seeing Cole again, Ryan being really worried about it, lots of her painful memories coming back etc etc. Hope you enjoyed this chapter :3 oh and please do tell me if you want to see more Cole :D**


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